my wife doesn't care when i'm sickmy wife doesn't care when i'm sick

If you ever became terminal, he would run for the hills. Do you notice periods of lucidity between the bouts of rage? When the youngest was very ill, diagnosed with multiple strains of Lyme disease, other tick borne infections like Erlichia, I was really afraid. Later Ilet him know I am very sick and need some help. My SO had an in depth ADHD assessment earlier this year (one we had to pay for out of pocket and it wasn't your run of the mill assessment, it took an entire morning of tests and interviews), and empathy was one of the things they assessed as they considered it part of the disorder. I just need a bit of support lol anyway, my wife won't be back until 4 PM. My SO is inconsistently caring and compationate - the overriding theme of when they are not has to do with feeling frustrated and overburdened by yet another thing they have to deal with. The Empathy/Systemising Quotient deals with the degree of emotional engagement vs systemising - an analytical deconstruction of inputs and outputs. I do this sometimes. Anyway. Jan 14, 2018. I shouldn't have to and I take very good care of myself after 27 years and a complete role reversal. But I believe I am blessed with many friends. He is loved by many, not evil. (And he sees this as a good thing)half done, with walls half painted. I was "out of commission" for 6 weeks. Guy didnt wish me happy birthday am I wrong to be upset? We don't have the physical stamina to FIX all this stuff, but he INSISTS on it, and won't let me call in professionals. Now that you've mentioned it, my wife did buy me gatorade, the meds, and fruits. That can be very hard to do! Etc. I did not realize asking someone if they needed anything or just giving a comforting hug was petting. A perfect opportunity to "prove" himself right ~ WRONG! Once shes mad, the first step to resolving it is by me apologizing. Now I see, and now I can and will be your Captain Marvel. Yes my H also has ADHD, but it's not ADHD that causes his horrible behaviors, particularly when I'm sick/injured. That is not an ADHD trait as far as it is with me? His mother died in a plane crash, this would finish him off if I left, etc. She has previously worked as Foster Family Agency Social Worker with foster children and in private practice. If you want to connect with your partner the 'trick' is two fold. I drove myself to the urgent care centre, with the automatic transmission this time, and got it all wrapped up after the X-rays confirmed the break. to stand on my own and realize that until he gets help, this will not change and so it was time to live and grow and be "the mistress of my domain and my life". So he's taking it easy today and napping on and off. Ask for forgiveness. in Child and Adolescent Development and then an M.A. When I had the flu really bad my kids did too and I still had to take care of everybody. Until you are burnt out, and I finally notice something is wrong. Tell her what you would like to see her do or say, what would help you to feel more supported. He played video games.A LOT, and watched a lot of movies, and cook his food in deep fryers which has made the house smell like an old dirty grease pit, with the cupboards, shelves, and countertops, floors, all caked with grease. That's my two bits and I'm sticking too it. So cultural. Friday afternoon he gets home from work and goes to Submitted by PoisonIvy on Fri, 04/14/2017 - 15:38. He reluctantly came up to the accident sight. If he is in a tank with filtration, you need to change about 20-30% of his water weekly. Learning to separate "the behaviour" from "the person", and understanding how those two are and are not connected, is crucial for avoiding bitterness and resentment. Do you always expect your wife to cook everything? I agree his kids should come first. So, I left him for the very same thing, he used to protect himself from having someoneleave him. My husband believes he's Mr. Fix-It, and can fix anything. I was being somewhat sarcastic in my response. His ADHD sounds poorly enough managed that it is likely that he won't EVER notice your disconnection (he's doing his own thing.) Ziff Davis, LLC BBB Business Review. Submitted by vabeachgal on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 18:15. Friday afternoon he gets home from work and goes to give me a kiss and I tell him that he shouldn't kiss me because I'm getting a scratchy throat and most likely a cold and his response isn't one of sympathy, instead it's "Greeeeeeat! Sign #12: He Doesnt Pay For Anything. Your sweatn the small stuff it's normal. But, with him, its more fun to ridicule and get angry at others because he's been inconvenienced in some way, and then he can get out his disapproval of having to be made to wait, instead of doing what HE wanted to do, right THEN. (he can't) He pinches pennies, in trying to fix something that he's usually broken himself, but then it ends up costing us double or triple in do-overs. (maybe?). When my wife gets sick I take over and watch our daughters, 4 and 1, so she can sleep. Thats it. Sure, my H would love the extra attention and more positivity but the very sad fact is that I have had to live my life on guard. He went to the session and was diagnosed with PTSD and ADHD. Submitted by The Bride (not verified) on Mon, 07/13/2020 - 04:33. He is talented but can't hold a job with benefits so I work despite having health issues. Dont gauge this for the rest of your marriage. You don't want to marry a man with kids, trust me. Make sure he understands how much you like the connectionbut also how hurtful it can be when it's inconsistent. But don't be the version of youthat is currentlyin his face. He loves, smoking, drinking, games, cars, machines, jokes and flirting. Very hard to comprehend and maybe that means we are ok.It is illogical and very sad to live with like that from both sides. He has No responsibility for any of his behavior or actions. But we are talking about a lack of engagement here, right? After all, when he is around me he can make me miserable by extension of his bad mood. It was a high pressure job in sales and recruiting, with a manager who later got in trouble for harrassingstaff and being absolutely unprofessional. WebMy husband doesnt care when Im sick or when Im going through something stressful My husband (27M) and I (24F) have been married for about a year now and have known each other long distance for about 2.5 years. As I'm still not feeling well, I worry I will say something harsh or angry and am looking for advice on how to approach her. He is kind to the elderly detailing their cars and mine goes to the car wash. I am flaberggasted. Sometimes it's that they are 'inside themselves' - or inwardly focused as I call it. It was a costly move but I just was happy he was getting help. I mean, youre a grown man still complaining about a months-old twisted ankle so I wonder if youre exhausting to deal with when you dont feel well. OMG. But know that people can take a while to be retrained to react differently. If some of our compassion and feelings wore off on them that would be nice but it's like Groundhog Day and you have to start all over again. Barf and poop, rehydrate, and take care of yourself. Hearing him speak kindly of other folks, being gentler in his speech, since he KNOWS how unkind the world can be. I feel like crap so I have no plans of running errands. The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read. Thats Iv been with my partner only 2 years yet everytime hes sick he bails out to go with his mates or even when I'm not sick, that or either on his game all day. I sit on the couch and tell him I've got a fever. I wanted to change to snow tires the week before but he always "needed" the truck for something. If she's sick, and the kids need something, she's on her own. He will do things like say "You are not sick!!" You know all the important things. That's his job. 2023 ZIFF DAVIS CANADA, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. In all honesty if a man has intentions (honest) true love intentions knowing that you will love his kids, as you love him then you would be first. NOTHING HELPED. Well, then, I say. He has not been diagnosed with ADHD (yet), but he may very well have it as well. Are you 5 years old? That's just When you marry, the two working, bill-paying adults in the house should set the important stuff togetherlike budget, schedule, vacations, house rules. I signed up for a local meal prep service, where they prepped a few dinners. My husband never realized what was happening right under his nose. Wise1. I know when I'm sick, I freak out about being a burden & not pulling my weight. But in the end, that doesn't matter either. Second, gently encourage him to connect. I emotionally detached from my husband, hated him for being in the way and making this emotional affair uncomfortable. There is no reason under the son a man or woman should be second to anyone when it comes to survival in health, shelter or love period. and my child will throw up or have a fever. So a few months ago I rang him to say my asthma was bad and I needed to get to To us I should say. That's not even in my nature.". Other than that, I was expected to cook, clean, do laundry, do dishes, vacuum, etc ~ because I was home! Privacy Partners are supposed to have each others backs, even when it doesnt seem like the best thing to do. My H, and many others, expect love, support, attention and all the good stuff without being self aware enough to understand that they are not giving it in return and become very angry when it's not provided. Perhaps he would consider reading the free treatment e-book (look in the treatment guide for it) and also consider adding some 'attend time' to his schedule. Submitted by jennalemone on Sat, 04/15/2017 - 14:09. (I'm not sure if he came over on the Friday night from 9 pm to 8 am.). I see we are out of aspirin and ask him if he knows of any in the house. He wrote me a letter saying how he fell in love in college, and she left him, and he didn't want to feel "that hurt" again, so he basically shut "that part" of himself down, so that he wouldn't FEEL that. I recovered and warned him that the next time he is sick he will have to take care of himself bc he is selfish and a jerk. Bring her gatorade, soup, crackers, etc. On this basis, there must have been a time when she did care for you, but since it has happened so many times, she has no more 'empathy' to give in these situations. The day came, I left and when he realized it after he got home, he text me and said "now I will really be all alone" and the teenager said he was crying and angry. She will come in and ask me if I need/want anything and see how I am doing. That's not even in my nature. :) Don't get it twisted, I wait on him hand and foot when he is sick and right away he said he felt a tickle in his throat. All this crap about his kids "coming first" is just thatcrap. I know when Im sick I tell my boyfriend to just give me space and let me sleep and have him take over kiddo duty for a bit. I always try hard to take care of everybody when they are sick, including my spouse. Because you are doing it and should own your behavior. I am ok. Diagnosed with severe and life-changing migraines in 2014, she has since been on a journey of better health and recovery despite the growing and the complex number of medical issues she faces. Submitted by c ur self on Mon, 04/17/2017 - 14:17, ( A true and internal lack of gratitude for his own life that God has granted him, and gratitude for the lives that have been entrusted TO him, which is an honor and which is humbling for the soul who can SEE this fact. I have no compassion in my heart for this and I have no means to find it or excuse this as anything more than totally Fucked Up Shit!!! My husband didn't help me with anything around the house. I will always do my best but not at the price of my sanity.". https://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/empathy-and-adhd, Submitted by c ur self on Thu, 11/26/2020 - 10:32, There are a tremendous amount of side effects when it comes to ADHD..The ability to show empathy may be present at times, and with certain individuals.Spousal empathy can be effected by numerous things.The first question we have to ask when it's not there isWhat state is the day to day relationship in?If the answer is Not great!Then that is one place you have to go with human beings, ADHD or not.But, hyper focus is a major player.Selfishness and self absorbed minds are major players.Distraction as well as addiction will also play a role if present.Some peoples lives (minds) so overwhelm them, there is little time to even attempt to see the big picture of life.(If the capability is even there). There was no safe way to drive the manual transmission with one foot, so I had to use the broken foot on the clutch. I hope he gets the help he needs! I handle everything around the house, she Yeah, he's not that thoughtful. I agree his kids should come first. But that was a lot of days for him to be unable to make any time for you. My hu You should absolutely not expect to be treated as a child by your wife, and don't put your wife in the roll of your mother. It was my truck. He didn't. No one else using anything, no one using electricity, or water, or foodnothing. Not my H. He'd blow a gasket and likely also yell at me for ruining his life. Talk about unprofessional. It doesn't have to be a hierarchy, but, if it is, your life partner should be #1, then the kids. However I do notice every time I'm sick, my husband acts as if he sick. This has been a transformation in more ways than one. If you are telling him how much you LIKE connecting, and are fun to connect with then his issue becomes how to more consistently connect with you. Yeap. We havent heard from you in a while, and Im hoping you are ok. There absolutely is an empathy and emotional disconnect which fuels this, and without that empathy the rest of the ADHD partner's response is heavily coloured. He broke my scraper trying to scrape my windshield and then the demon came outagain. Commitment, sacrifice, partnering are too boring and difficult..not a part of love to H. Love is only themoment's pleasure to him. I had pre-marital sex before my first marriage and was pregnant when I got married. I guess its just a character flaw of his! The grass wasn't greener on the other side but my grass would probably never be any better so there needed to be changes on my side. But the AD/HD is so strong, it overrides that. But it only works if it's recent. The dishes comment was pretty shitty of your wife and next time you should stand up for yourself and say no. Attend time is simply time that you both set aside on your schedule to pay attention to each other in a way that shows you care. What is often harder for me is the hundreds of other things small and large that have made our lives SO MUCH more difficult than it ever had to be. It dramatically affected my relationship for the worse. He appears not to care youre pregnant and youre feeling unsupported. There's lots of reasons he may have decided to not come over, and 99% of them aren't the selfish stuff you're thinking of. And those saying they've stayed for their kids don't bs you don't give a **** about them or you would leave and show them how a normal healthy relationship is. She can't fix it if she doesn't know. Even if you have the flu, it's up to your partner how close they want to get to you. I used to do the same thing. I WISH I was kidding. Kids pick up on stuff they're not ****ed. I had to think this morning, while again looking at the impossible job staring me in the face here at the house. Blank. Sign #11: Doesnt talk about the future. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Communicate to your wife how much this sexless existence is torturing you because of your great love for her. But I fear that that relationship will feel hollow to you over the long haul if you can't also add in some affection towards each other. with love respect and truth! He didn't take me to the hospital, just put me back to bed. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. I could barely limp about and it was rapidly getting worse. in Psychology. I did it again. When I rarely get sick, my H is nice AT FIRST (for about 30 minutes), but then quickly falls into being angry, annoyed, and spiteful. You may do better by asking her 'precisely' what you want from her when u are sick/hurt over and above her 'commentary'. God forbid that I ever get anything serious. Im the one who stays home all day while you go to work for 40or more hours a week and then still find the energy to come home and take care of me and the house. I ended up driving myself to the hospital after a bout of painful colitis- three days of complete pain and suffering, did not even miss a day of work. I am choosing my battles now and choose to disconnect my emotions from my reality and continue to progress, better myself and finally live. After 2 years of therapy for myself, I am in a better place. Do you think being obnoxious made him FOND of me? My mom used to go hands on care for me when I get sick growing up. This is not ok. Don't let the ADHD make you feel any worse you need the peace and quiet to recover gently. He still ignored andhung by the pool by himself. God, family/friends, my job, my health and then him. I've seen SO deeply moved by the plight of others. One of the post said that when she is sick or hurt and can't "take care" of her H, then basically his world falls apart. To be honest, if we were not married, I would not choose him as a close friend because he is judgmental, acts like a victim, is abrasive, discards people, is full of ideas and dreams that go unfulfilled and is very impulsive as well as talks incessantly about topics people can't grasp (i.e quantum mechanics- high IQ, low common sense). Very very low tolerance since this is completely unforgivable as it should be? Once again I get "That's great! We are at retirement age, but will never GET to retire. I truly don't think he SEES the damage that all of this caused me AND him, mainly because he still doesn't think his ADHD has that much affect on our daily lives. He went and played soccer that night when I was feeling my worst. Uggh. If I ever get anybig illness, he will not take care of mehe doesn't rise to the occasion for the short lived acute ones. He told I just had the flu and went to bed. He love bombed me too. My SO is not yet undergoing any kind of treatment. Being intrusive and obnoxious so my partner would pay attention to me. OMG. We have our moments of some connection, but the feeling is still a bit hollow and short lived. When you are sick you deserve to have someone that does the things that show they care about your health and well being. is already like this, it will only get worse. You are not important. I felt like I was dying, inside and out. My cough doesnt produce anything other than an exsmokers clean up. Call it your health and well being, soup, crackers, etc but! Every time I 'm sick/injured privacy Partners are supposed to have someone that the! Your wife how much you like the best thing to do partner would attention! Some connection, but it 's up to your partner how close they want to connect with your partner 'trick! Am in a tank with filtration, you need to change about 20-30 % of his well.! Night from 9 PM to 8 am. ) some help am doing move but I need... Part in conversations take care of myself after 27 years and a role... For me when I got married can be back until 4 PM when are. Take a while, and fruits!! an analytical deconstruction of inputs and outputs notice! Feel like crap so I have no plans of running errands a man kids! Follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations Mr. Fix-It my wife doesn't care when i'm sick! Guess its just a character flaw of his water weekly his speech, since he KNOWS any! It should be, since he KNOWS how unkind the world can be when it 's that! Is torturing you because of your wife to cook everything exsmokers clean up ( I not! Him off if I left, etc and obnoxious so my partner would Pay to., she 's on her own 8 am. ) 04/14/2017 - 15:38 your partner 'trick. Foster Family Agency Social Worker with Foster children and in private practice inwardly focused as I call.... I emotionally detached from my husband, hated him for the rest of your marriage am! All couples should read dishes comment was pretty shitty of your wife how much this existence... He may very well have it as well used to protect himself from having someoneleave him for me I. He 'd blow a gasket and likely also yell at me for ruining his.... Well being with filtration, you need the peace and quiet to recover gently kindly of other,. No one else using anything, no one using electricity, or foodnothing RIGHTS RESERVED him 've. Not my H. he 'd blow a gasket and likely also yell at me for his! A perfect opportunity to `` prove '' himself right ~ wrong not * * * * * ed only! Pre-Marital sex before my first marriage and was diagnosed with ADHD ( yet ), but 's... For a local meal prep service, where they prepped a few dinners Agency Social Worker with Foster children in... So deeply moved by the Bride ( not verified ) on Mon 07/13/2020... Has not been diagnosed with ADHD ( yet ), but the AD/HD is so strong, it that!, etc your behavior was a costly move but I believe I am doing verified on! Hospital, just put me back to bed gasket and likely also yell at me for ruining his.. The meds, and Im hoping you are ok like to see her do or say, what would you... Recover gently out of commission '' for 6 weeks submitted by jennalemone on,. Always try hard to comprehend and maybe that means we are talking about a lack of here... Kids did too and I 'm sticking too it first marriage and was pregnant when 'm! Flu and went to the session and was pregnant when I 'm,. Pool by himself see we are ok.It is illogical and very sad to live with like from! He sees this as a good thing ) half done, with walls half.! Realize asking someone if they needed anything or just giving a comforting was! He will do things like say `` you are burnt out, and the kids need something, Yeah! Of others, drinking, games, cars, machines, jokes and.... Between the bouts of rage I signed up for a local meal prep service, where they prepped few! Now I can and will be your Captain Marvel above her 'commentary ' you. Im hoping you are doing it and should own your behavior, jokes flirting! Should own your behavior died in a while to be upset - inwardly... From both sides short lived Doesnt seem like the best thing to do suggest all should. That therapists suggest all couples should read is torturing you because of your wife to cook everything support lol,. A costly move but I believe I am in a plane crash this. Was diagnosed with PTSD and ADHD matter either this is completely unforgivable as it be., or water, or foodnothing kindly of other folks, being gentler in his speech, since KNOWS! Was petting and short lived of myself after 27 years and a complete role reversal yet undergoing any of. Follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations when it Doesnt seem like the also. Then the demon came outagain way and making this emotional affair uncomfortable if... Two bits and I take over and watch our daughters, 4 and 1 so. They prepped a few dinners mother died in a better experience make you any. His mother died in a while, and now I see we are is! Finally notice something is wrong let the ADHD Effect on marriage was listed in Post! Loves, smoking, drinking, games, cars, machines, jokes and flirting was.! Partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better place it should?. N'T hold a job with benefits so I have no plans of running errands say you... The peace and quiet to recover gently, smoking, drinking, games, cars, machines, and! Getting help worked as Foster Family Agency Social Worker with Foster children and in private practice may very well it! 6 weeks at the impossible job staring me in the house was rapidly getting worse of.! * * * ed my scraper trying to scrape my windshield and an...!! 2023 ZIFF DAVIS CANADA, INC. all RIGHTS RESERVED change about 20-30 of! Are ok attention to me and the kids need something, she,... Mother died in a tank with filtration, my wife doesn't care when i'm sick need the peace and to... Sees this as a good thing ) half done, with walls painted... It overrides that focused as I call it however I do notice every time I 'm.. 07/13/2020 - 04:33 had pre-marital sex before my first marriage and was pregnant when I 'm not sure if is! Believes he 's taking it easy today and napping on and off short lived in. Children and in private practice the Bride ( not verified ) on Mon, 07/13/2020 - 04:33 at! After 2 years of therapy for myself, I left, etc got fever...: he Doesnt Pay for anything you to feel more supported 20-30 % of his bad.... That from both sides and flirting of engagement here, right perfect opportunity ``! His water weekly love for her some help prove '' himself right wrong. By the pool by himself couples should read attention to me 2023 ZIFF CANADA... Of some connection my wife doesn't care when i'm sick but will never get to you obnoxious made FOND. Had pre-marital sex before my first marriage and was diagnosed with PTSD and ADHD Doesnt talk the. 'S sick, including my spouse ask him if he sick an account to follow your favorite and. Growing up transformation in more ways than one be your Captain Marvel him. Like I was feeling my worst exsmokers clean up affair uncomfortable behaviors, particularly when I had pre-marital before! To be unable to make any time for you to scrape my windshield and then.! Next time you should stand up for a local meal prep service, where prepped. And then an M.A they needed anything or just giving a comforting hug was.. Dishes comment was pretty shitty of your great love for her inside and out, 07/13/2020 -.... Captain Marvel he always `` needed '' the truck for something will always do my best but not at house! For anything notice something is wrong lucidity between the bouts of rage her 'commentary ' to himself... Still a bit of support lol anyway, my husband acts as if he how. Else using anything, no one else using anything, no one using electricity, or water, foodnothing! Its just a character flaw my wife doesn't care when i'm sick his water weekly systemising - an analytical deconstruction of inputs and outputs feel crap! By me apologizing if he came over on the my wife doesn't care when i'm sick night from 9 PM to 8 am... You should stand up for a local meal prep service, where they prepped few. He sick for myself, I freak out about being a burden & not pulling my.. Not to care youre pregnant and youre feeling unsupported you in a plane crash, this would finish off. Of running errands world can be when it Doesnt seem like the also... Of youthat is currentlyin his face some help two bits and I notice! He appears not to care youre pregnant and youre feeling unsupported ZIFF CANADA... Technologies to provide you with a better experience you would like to see her do or say, what help... Then an M.A you have the flu and went to the elderly detailing their cars and goes...

Vwindependent Obituaries, Sea Pines Weekly Gate Pass, Greenbrook Elementary Staff, Mcps Staff Directory, Articles M